Part 6. The Unintentional Earth Momma

Eleven months of motherhood and I am still in awe of it all: watching Serene grow and learn and change and find new ways to express herself, slowly realizing that this little girl is observing everything we do and listening to much of what we say, it’s hitting us that the more aware she is the more aware we have to be.   

I can look over my shoulder now—at the sleepless nights, and the crying bouts, and the diaper rash, and the first few weeks struggling to breastfeed, at the way days just blended together, the utter confusion and newness of it all—and say that I am finally starting to feel at home in this role of Mama.

What I can also see is how much of this journey we have made on a feeling, in the moment, from the heart, the belly, the spirit.  I can see that it was often objectivity that led us to be flexible when it came time to make important decisions.  I also keep finding out that what I usually end up thinking is best for Serene was not part of my earlier visions of motherhood.  Some of those visions were definitely influenced by my being a serious city girl growing up in a serious capitalist culture and not really being exposed to different ways of mothering.

 I’ve already explained that the decision to give birth at home was determined by the fact that I either had to work with the midwife I wanted to work with in a hospital or in a house and that since something about hospitals sends my ability to relax (crucial to labour)  into parts unknown and I wanted to have a cozy experience like my girl, Mirlande, and her partner did. I chose the house (aight, the house chose me but you get my point).  The decision to breastfeed was influenced by two things: one, living in a rural part of Namibia and seeing so many women do it, two: the matter-of- factness with which my midwife asked “you’re planning to breastfeed, right?” There wasn’t a hint of judgement waiting to leap out in her voice, the casual way she asked led me to feel that this must be so natural, just an extension of giving birth at home and working with a mid wife. I stammered “yeah, sure.”  Not because I felt pressured, but because it felt right.  I didn’t know a damn thing about breastfeeding.  I thought you just threw the baby on ya titty and called it a day.  Hey, maybe for some women it is so simple, but my experience was different.   I had to wait a few days for my milk to come in and I was petrified that it would not happen, my daughter was hungry and screaming her frustration, when the milk did come in it seemed that the child could never get enough to eat and I don’t know what kind of adventures the rest of you have been having, but I wasn’t used to anyone being on my breast every three hours and initially it wasn’t the most comfortable thing in the world.  In fact, at some point I told my husband, “I think I’m just going to do the minimum, four months and then she gets formula.” Then she and I settled into a groove.  I am used to breastfeeding wherever we are, and my wardrobe is no longer compromised as I’ve figured out how I can still wear fly dresses when the mood strikes me. And believe it or not even the American Academy of Pediatricians— who I think must be conservative—advises that women breastfeed for a year if possible.  That shocked the heck outta me. I was thinking I’d start weaning at six months. Well. The child is already ten and a half months old and neither of us is ready to give up our breastfeeding routine yet. This is just how it’s going;  when we want to stop, we’ll stop.

Decisions about health matters and doctors visits have been made in this same manner.  We ask people around us who we trust where they take their children, we do research, we ask questions and we make our decisions.  Because of the type of health practitioners we’ve surrounded ourselves with, we have seen things that might have been treated aggressively by conventional doctors go away naturally.  Some things, we have learned, are just a matter of time and patience.  I’ve created concoctions from essential oils to clear up one bout of diaper rash, one cold, and I’ve created other mixtures for massages and baths.

And the story continues to unfold this way.  I thought I’d use jarred baby food. (“What the hell do I look like mixing up all kinds of stuff like some kinda Stepford Wife.”Yeah I said it.)  Instead I start steaming veggies and mashing fruit and next thing you know I am watching my child eat happily and I am happy because I know exactly what went into whatever she is putting in her mouth.  Come to find out that sometimes baby food companies don’t list all the ingredients they put in the jar on the jar.  Damn.  So I haven’t reached for a jar yet.  Keep in mind, I am not saying that I will never do this that or the other, and I am not damning anyone who does it differently. I just want to say that this is how I am doing it and it even surprises me sometimes.

Many of my decisions around birth have also been in line with political and spiritual views.  Using a midwife, attempting a natural birth, and trusting the wisdom of my own body versus patriarchy and the medical industry. (Hey, midwives were considered witches and they did burn them at the stake back in the day to make room for male doctors.) Breatsfeeding and trusting that I can nourish my child instead of giving mad loot to formula companies who really don’t care about my baby, but about the cash in my pocket. Attempting to let Serene build her own immunity before giving her vaccinations or treating everything with medicine. 

I recently read a few things about disposable diapers that has me seriously considering giving cloth ones a try. Me!?? Ten months ago I told my Mother, “Don’t even bother sending me cloth diapers because I am not using them.” No joke.

I didn’t plan any of this but I am happy with the way that things are going.   I realize, now that I am on my way back to New York, that a lot of my ways are quite foreign to my friends and family. People who haven’t made this journey themselves or with me, done the research that we have, or ever considered different ways of parenting than the ones they see daily have been shocked by my choices to birth at home and breastfeed (in public no less). We are just doing the things that make sense to us at this time. We are doing things that empower us as people and as parents.  One of the things I have come to love about our journeys through pregnancy, birth, and parenting is that we have found strength we didn’t know we had. I know we are going to need to hold on to this strength as we walk our walk down the road of parenting.

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